Defying the Stars

I think that realization was really the catalyst for all of this. The idea of not fulfilling the storybook ending she had convinced herself she needed to survive was devastating, and Juliet was free falling without any creative director to jump in and give her character advice on how to portray this new role she had been thrust into. 

That is probably the hardest part of realizing you are gay. It isn’t that being gay is that hard on its own, it’s the lack of direction or advice from society that makes it seem so unsurvivable.

You begin to fall victim to this idea that all those who navigated these troubled waters before you perished in the journey. I mean, that must be the case, right?

Because if someone had managed to get past the insurmountable pain and loneliness this journey entailed, they would have sent back a message telling the world of their feat. They would have sent tips, or pointers, or a hint of hope to those traversing the journey after them, so those travelers would have something to hold on to when the looming waves of defeat came crashing in to consume them. 

The silence meant that no one had survived the journey. Or anyone that had survived was so scarred and messed up from what they had had to endure that they weren’t able to send back a message with hope, as the destination they had found gave them none.

What it really meant was that stepping out of the closet and onto that boat all but assured tragedy. Untying the ropes that securely tethered you to the safety of a society built on fairytales and happy endings, as you pushed away to float out into the dark and treacherous expanse that consumed the horizon, could end in only one of two ways: death or self-destruction. 

Juliet feared self-destruction more than death, as it ensured her perfect reputation would be tarnished by the whispers exchanged among the people who used to look to her with admiration. And although I didn’t understand that at the moment, it is now clear that Juliet would have rather died as a version of herself that was fictional than embrace who she really was and the harsh truth that reality brought with it.