The Darkest Days

Today was a sad day, I felt down for no reason
I knew my heart was still there but I couldn’t feel it beating
My mind was still working but it couldn’t see colors
Instead it saw darkness and told me I’m not enough

Others who pass by don’t notice I’m different
I hide it so well sometimes I start to believe it
The ache in my chest never leaves it just dulls
Most days the meds do their job and I’m able to cope

But today wasn’t most days. Today was one of the bad ones.
The days when I go home from work and just lay there for hours
Wishing, hoping, with everything that I have
That the pain will go away and that I won’t feel sad

Staring off into space thinking how hard it is to be different
Realizing I feel sad because I’m me and I just don’t seem to fit in
I try to remember I can’t compare myself to other people
A square and a circle will never be the same no matter how hard you believe it

But in those moments of sadness it’s so damn hard to be rational
That’s part of the disease it makes you think that you’re disposal
That the world would be better without your face in it
That people like you don’t deserve to find happiness

The days when the darkness wins it can be scary
Nothing I do can ever prepare me
Sometimes I don’t even know if I’ll be able to fight it
As I lay there feeling helpless and like I’m so insignificant

Depression isn’t a choice. It isn’t for attention.
Its a disease of the mind that millions of people live with
Just because you can’t see it on a scan or test
Doesn’t make it less valid, it’s not just ‘all in my head’

So today, like the others, I picked up all the pieces
I choose to keep fighting because I know I can beat this
And when another day comes that takes me back to my lowest
I’ll say ‘I know I can do this’ and hope I come out victorious