1). Coming out is a lifestyle, not just a decision. I always find it funny when heterosexual people assume that because I came out on Facebook 5 years ago everyone else in the entire world should suddenly know about it. Sure, the tattoo on my forearm representing marriage equality is a good indicator, but some people are oblivious. The first time you come out it will feel like you’re opening a door that’s been shut for thousands of years. It will be hard, scary, exciting, traumatic, and exhilarating all at once. But just because you tell everyone of your social media followers doesn’t mean the rest of the world will know. You will continue having to come out to people for the rest of your life. I promise it will get less intense and more mundane over time, but it is something you will have to do more than once.
2). You should not be forced into coming out until you are ready. No one has the right to tell you when and how to come out. You alone are the one who needs to determine the right time and place to do it. And if you never do have the courage to fully come out to everyone in your life, you should not feel less a part of our community. If you need to stay in the closet for your safety, or your sanity, that’s ok. Everyone’s story is different and people should respect that.
3). You will want to become comfortable saying “I’m gay/lesbian/trans/queer/etc.”, because you will have to say it a lot. You will have to field questions about your relationships and sexual preferences from coworkers, distance relatives, and even strangers for the rest of your life. Become familiar with LGBTQIA+ terminology so that when a stranger asks you can approach the conversation in a civil and educational way.
3). Some people will never understand or try to. Just remember, in those moments of self doubt, when you think you may be less than because someone with heterosexual privilege chooses to belittle you, that something is wrong with them not you.
4). Remember you do not, and should not, stay in any situation that makes you feel less than because of something you cannot change. You are not less than someone else because you love the same gender. You are not destined to live an unsatisfied, unhappy life just because you prefer vaginas to penises, penises to vaginas, or neither. YOU ARE NOT LESS THAN. Period.
5). You are exactly who you are supposed to be and you matter. You are important. You are strong. And while it’s not fair that you have to always be strong, even when it feels so much easier to be weak, that is just a part of this journey.
6). After you come out some people may need time to process. Whether it be your parents, friends, or strangers, coming out can be overwhelming for some people to process and they may need some time to come to terms with it. Give them time. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Provide them with resources, like PFLAG, to help ease the transition.
7). It is not your fault if someone reacts poorly to your coming out. Some people will always hate you for who you love. Is it fair? No. Is it life? Yes. Let those people go. If someone wants to judge you based solely on a predetermined sexual component of your personality, they aren’t someone you need in your life.
8). You may feel like no one will understand, or accept you, and that’s totally normal. Don’t let that stop you from embracing who you are. Because you are enough. You are someone worthy of love and happiness. The moment you let someone into a world you’ve been living in alone for your whole life is hard, but it’s so, SO worth it.
9). Embracing who you are instead of hiding is what will change the world. It is scary and takes unbelievable courage to embrace the parts of yourself that it may be easier to ignore, but that’s how we spark change. Do you want your kids to grow up in a world that does not judge them for something about themselves they can’t change? Than we must start today confronting the skeletons in our closets, and the living people we find in there as well.
Coming out is scary. Coming out is difficult. Coming out will change your life. I’m not going to lie, you will lose some small-minded people along the way, but you will join a future so much better than anything you could have ever imagined. A future built on tolerance. A future built on acceptance. A future built on love. A future I want to be a part of and I hope you do too.
A. Sharp Story 